What If You’re Not Behind — Just Mismeasuring?
🚪 The Subtle Grief No One Talks About
Have you ever had that moment after a win where instead of feeling proud… you felt pressure?
You just finished something big — a successful launch, a brilliant performance, a packed calendar of high-level delivery — and yet, something in you quietly whispered:
“You’re still behind.”
I’ve had that whisper more than I care to admit.
Especially during the years I led as a producing artistic director. I was building something special. Intimate, meaningful, impactful. And then I’d look across town — at another artistic director whose company had more funding, more infrastructure, more visibility — and I’d feel it.
That squeeze. That quiet shame.
Like I was somehow second-rate. Like what I had wasn’t enough.
Only later would I learn that he was struggling — deeply. While I was busy comparing myself to his perceived success, he was battling addiction, burnout, and intense pressure. And get this: he had been comparing himself to me.
That’s when I realized something that now sits at the heart of everything I teach:
Everyone feels behind.
Because everyone is comparing their truth to someone else’s projection.
🔍 Comparison Is Not Measurement — It’s Distortion
The problem with comparison isn’t just that it’s painful.
It’s that it’s inaccurate.
It tells you you’re losing — when in reality, you’re just looking sideways.
And it always seems to hit hardest when you’re growing. Why? Because growth stretches visibility. It magnifies your self-doubt. And it puts you in proximity to others who seem like they’re “further ahead.”
But here’s the truth:
You can be “behind” in the eyes of the world — and still in perfect alignment with your own timing.
That’s not a motivational quote. It’s strategy.
🧠 The 3 Comparison Traps That Derail High Performers
Let’s name them.
1. Social Comparison
You measure your progress against someone else’s visible results.
Their launch numbers. Their following. Their accolades.
But you have no idea what’s going on behind the curtain.
2. Aspirational Comparison
You compare yourself to who you think you should be by now.
This often sounds like:
“At this age, I thought I’d be…”
“I should’ve figured this out already.”
It’s grief dressed as ambition.
3. Historical Comparison
You compare yourself to a past version of you — often romanticized.
“I used to be more creative.”
“I had more energy back then.”
This one can sneakily make you feel like your best days are behind you — even when you’re in your prime.
Each of these robs you of presence, clarity, and joy.
They make you question what’s real.
They make you sabotage what’s working.
🧾 You’re Not Behind — You’re Just Mismeasuring
When comparison is in charge, you’re not actually evaluating your progress — you’re reacting to someone else’s optics. You’re judging your life through their algorithm.
The solution isn’t to stop comparing. That’s not realistic.
The solution is to start measuring differently.
🧰 Try This: The Comparison Audit
This is a simple 48-hour practice. Try it — and don’t overthink it.
1. NOTICE
Every time you feel that tightness — that “I’m not doing enough” feeling — pause. Just notice it.
2. NAME
Ask: “Who or what am I comparing myself to right now?”
Say it aloud or write it down. This alone breaks the trance.
3. NORMALIZE & QUESTION
Say to yourself:
“This is comparison. It’s not truth.”
Then ask:
“What is actually true about my progress?”
“What does my definition of enough look like today?”
“What would I do if I trusted my timing?”
Optional Bonus Step: REPLACE THE NARRATIVE
Write one line that reflects what you choose to believe.
“I’m building something real.”
“Their pace isn’t my pace.”
“I’m not behind. I’m unfolding.”
💡 Reflective Journal Prompts
When do I most often feel “behind”? What triggers it?
Who do I compare myself to — and what do I imagine their life is like?
What truths about my own journey do I want to reclaim?
What would change if I stopped chasing pace and started honoring rhythm?
🎯 You Don’t Need Their Map
Comparison thrives in disconnection. From your body. From your truth. From your path.
But the moment you reconnect to you — it loses its power.
You’re not behind. You’re becoming.
And that is more than enough.
